It’s heeeeeeere. Christmas weekend, for those that celebrate. And I wasn’t going to post anything, but this hit me like a ton of bricks this morning, so I’m posting it now.
What is it about the holidays that make us WANT to appreciate the beauty and the joy and the peace . . . but somehow instead we turn into impatient, stressed-out jerks? (And the whole time we’re thinking that it’s not US, we’re FINE and JOYFUL and HAPPY, it’s ALL THOSE OTHER PEOPLE, IF THEY WOULD JUST MOVE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD . . . you get the idea.)
Or maybe you’re good with the holiday season, maybe you’re reallllly good at holding it together . . . until you get to your family’s house (or until they come to yours). And then the GLOVES COME OFF.
When I was little we used to go to Disneyland every year. And it was expensive and we were broke, so we got there when it opened and stayed till it closed. And somewhere between 3pm and 6pm all the kids melt down. (This is still true, by the way. It’s kind of like the “UN-happy hour”). Over the years a family joke developed: “It’s not a trip to Disneyland until somebody starts crying!”
I know a LOT of people who feel that way about the holidays. How many of us have found the bathroom farthest from the chaos and locked ourselves in for a little peace and quiet because I JUST NEED 10 MINUTES, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? Or maybe because IF AUNT SUE MAKES ONE MORE COMMENT ABOUT HOW I LOOK “SO TIRED” . . . or maybe you just repeat to yourself, MURDER IS ILLEGAL AND THERE IS NO NETFLIX IN PRISON.
So. This year I’m going to ask you first to give yourself some grace. If you’re tired and stressed out, what extra care can you take of yourself to mitigate that? Can you delegate some cooking? Order pizza before the big day? Can you go to bed an hour earlier? Get gift bags and pre-made bows instead of killing yourself with wrapping paper and the perfect hand-drawn gift tags? Send New Year’s cards instead of Christmas cards? (I mean let’s be honest, if you haven’t sent those suckers yet, they’re gonna be New Year’s cards, anyway. Might as well roll with it.)
Because here’s the thing. The part that comes after giving yourself some grace is the part where you give OTHER PEOPLE grace. And to do that, you need to mitigate some of the stress and the frazzle, so that you have the inner resources (like patience) available.
And what does giving someone else grace look like? When Aunt Sue tells you that you look SO TIRED, you can have compassion for someone that needs to knock you down to feel better about herself. When Uncle Bob starts in with politics you don’t agree with, you need grace to cheerfully(!) change the subject. When people belittle you, or control you, or want to complain about their lives incessantly, or WHATEVER it is that sends you to hide in the bathroom, can you have compassion for them?
Can you recognize that they’re coming from a place of fear, or anger, or pain of their own?
I mean look, I’ll be honest. I write a variation on this every year in my journal, just for MYSELF. Because we’re all human, and going into the chaos and complicated dynamics of a family party can be trying for EVERYONE. Even when you enjoy it. Maybe especially then.
So give yourself some grace. Give others some grace. And remember that every single person is here on purpose, with a purpose. They – we – are all here because the Universal life force wanted us here. Every. Single. One of us, is wanted and loved.
And in the end, isn’t that the miracle?
Enjoy your holiday, whatever you celebrate (or celebrated). Remember that you and everyone around you are loved beyond measure, and give everyone (including yourself) some grace.
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