A couple of years ago, in sheer desperation, I left behind the life I was “supposed” to be living.
I was stressed out, depressed, and anxious. I was living in a city with a high cost of living, and had a job that paid well, but asked a lot in return. (And I wasn’t even that far up the corporate ladder! I had seen the boss’s job, and I did not want it.)
But it was a “dream” life, everything I was “supposed” to want. I had a job most people would give their right arm for, at least in theory.
And I left.
I left because I realized that there is a difference between “supposed to” and “meant to.” It was a job that I’m”supposed” to have, but it wasn’t what I was meant to do. I figured if moving ahead meant working long hours, I wanted to at least do that for MYSELF.
So I left the job, moved back to my hometown, and worked on starting a business. (I also worked a consulting gig on the side, because bills still had to get paid, let’s be honest.) I spent the next couple of years learning about coaching: life coaching, business coaching, body image coaching. But I never seemed to make progress. Not because the info was bad, but because I just didn’t IMPLEMENT it.
And I realized recently that I’m still trying to do what I’m “supposed” to do. I’ve changed the framework, but I’ve just found another structure to squish myself into. And it’s making me frustrated and angry and depressed.
So I took some time to ask what I WANTED. Not “what will change the current situation ASAP,” but “What do I really WANT to do?” And the answer came back, WRITE. I want to write. I used to write, and I miss it.
So I’m writing again. I don’t know where it will go. I might take what comes out of this back into coaching, or I might write a book, or something else that’s not even on my radar right now. I don’t know. And I don’t HAVE to know right now – I’m just going to take a couple of months and write. Since that consulting job I mentioned earlier gives me the financial ability to do that, I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes.